Love, Luck, and Loss
Hello fantastic followers. I hope this holiday season is greeting you well and that the time will be well spent with family and friends. As we embark on the next part of our journey, some sadness ensues, and I want to put out a trigger warning at the beginning of this post. I never want any of you to not read a blog post about our amazing journey, but I know sometimes things can evoke an emotion for others, and this blog post will have some sadness. I hope you continue to read, because there is a happy ending.
We are so lucky! Lucky to have carried two beautiful girls for our own family, and now two beautiful babies for two more families. Lucky to be in contact with our first set of IPs still (2.5years post birth of their gorgeous daughter), and lucky to have such compassionate, caring, and loving IFs this go round. Lucky to have made it this far in this fourth pregnancy, to be released from fertility clinic care, and move on to being cared for by my local OB. Lucky enough to feel fantastic, with no problems, no pregnancy related symptoms, and not a worry in the world about this baby and the sweet family who will be on the receiving end. I mean, come on, how lucky can a person be?
And then BAM, you're struck with loss. (Don't panic too much, the baby is completely fine. We DID NOT lose the baby.) In July of 2016 my little family moved from Colorado to South Carolina to live closer to my parents. Two years earlier my brother unexpectedly passed away so it was always our intent to move to SC. My girls were so excited to be closer to my parents and equally to start our family's new adventure. My dad spent the last year and a half demolishing the existing home that was on our property, and helping my husband and I build our dream home (which happens to be next door to my parents). It was the truly the dream home I always imagined and it was built with love! On July 4, 2017, our family lost one, hard loving, hard working, dedicated, man in our lives; my dad. He passed away unexpectedly that afternoon due to a heart attack. His beautiful, giving, loving, heart stopped. It was broken, for good.
I cannot explain the hurt, the sorrow, the pain I was feeling inside due to this loss and sadness. It was all so hard to deal with. However, knowing I had so many people to lean on, talk to, express sadness to, be there for me, and hold me, provided the strength to help me get through. Also, knowing a life was growing inside of me, and how proud I knew my dad was of me for being able to give this gift to others…. kept me going. Don't get me wrong, I have days of sadness still. Moments that get me without any warning. But the angel, the new life I was growing for a set of astonishing and loving IFs, is what helps me get through.
The next few weeks were busy, and emotional, and a serious adjustment (life is still a major adjustment without him). The love and support from TSE, my family, my friends, the transferring fertility clinic, our neighbors, our community, our IFs, and SO many more, has been very uplifting and provides our family with the little bit of solace it needs to get us by each day without my dad, my mom's husband, and my girl's PawPaw.
Holding on so dearly to each other, and growing a new little person for a very deserving couple, fills a place in my heart I never knew was empty. Moving forward, making it through another first trimester of pregnancy, shines a light on an otherwise dark part of life. The first trimester flew by quickly. Our dads are still in shock and crossing their fingers, hoping this pregnancy stays strong and the growing anticipation of holding their child. Wow, just wow! The time is going to go so quickly. Before we know it, this baby is going to be Earth side; spreading love and joy to so many people.
Thank you for your patience as I know posting a blog was set aside for a while as I took care of my family and focused on them. I appreciate everyone’s support and hope to send more updates throughout my journey.
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